Joy. It’s a Choice.
Choosing joy isn’t always easy, and I’ve certainly had my fair share of moments that felt anything *but* joyful. Yet, here I am, making that choice. Over and over again. Because through the chaos, heartbreaks, and the curveballs life has thrown my way, I've learned that joy isn’t something that just appears. It’s something I have to actively chase, even when it’s hard—especially when it’s hard.
Let me take you on a little tour of my journey to choosing joy, a path full of perfect imperfections, challenges, and choices that have shaped who I am today. It’s messy, it’s beautiful, and yes, it’s still a work in progress.
Honoring My Body: From Self-Criticism to Self-Love
I spent years in a battle with my own body. Bulimia had me in its grip, and every mirror seemed like an enemy. I tried to shrink myself, to be small enough, good enough, anything enough to feel worthy. Learning to love my body has been one of the hardest and most rewarding fights of my life. Choosing joy now means honoring this body of mine, with all its perfect imperfections, and celebrating how far it’s carried me.
These days, honoring my body means proudly slipping into a bikini, even when I still have doubts. It means seeing my reflection and recognizing strength, not flaws. It means appreciating this body for not just surviving, but thriving—and for giving me the chance to feel good in my skin, something I never thought I’d experience.
Embracing Motherhood: Joy and Heartache Coexisting
Motherhood has been another one of my greatest teachers. It’s brought me moments of pure, unfiltered joy, but also moments that shattered me to my core. Watching Ava, my talented and determined daughter, suffer a traumatic brain injury has been a heartbreak I still don’t have words for. Seeing her fight through recovery while I fight alongside her has redefined what resilience and love mean. And yet, even in the darkness of that trauma, I’ve chosen joy by embracing every beautiful, wild, unpredictable moment I have with my children.
It’s not all rainbows and bedtime snuggles. The guilt and exhaustion can feel overwhelming, especially watching my older daughter, Elle, navigate her own struggles as she balances college, sorority life, and being a sister in this new reality. But I choose joy by being present, by celebrating the small wins, and by believing that, even in the most broken places, beauty can grow.
Navigating Infertility and Letting Go of Control
Infertility was a curveball that made me question everything I thought I knew about patience, grace, and hope. Those years of trying and hoping, the rollercoaster of disappointment, left scars that I still carry. But they also taught me that life doesn’t always go as planned—and that joy sometimes comes from the unexpected.
Choosing joy meant accepting the family I was blessed with and finding ways to heal from the grief of what never was. It meant shifting my dreams and finding purpose in the life I did get to have, one that was different but still full of love.
Running a Business and the Beautiful Chaos
If you think running a photography business is all gorgeous golden-hour shoots and happy clients, think again. It’s late nights editing, navigating client feedback, and making tough calls. It’s balancing professionalism with passion and keeping my heart open while staying firm. Some days it feels like everything is going wrong, and the stress creeps in, whispering that I’m not enough. But I choose joy by celebrating every client who leaves with a smile, every moment I get to capture, and every time I get to turn chaos into art.
The Loss of Religion and Finding My Own Spiritual Path
Losing religion was another plot twist I never saw coming. Something that once defined me, shaped me, and gave me purpose slowly fell away, leaving me untethered and confused. But losing something so central to my identity pushed me to explore what spirituality means to me now. I’ve chosen joy by finding my own connection to the universe, by seeking love and understanding rather than fear. I’ve discovered that spirituality doesn’t have to look like a specific tradition to be deeply meaningful.
Divorce and the Power of Self-Renewal
My divorce felt like a failure at first, like a dream unraveling in front of me. But it also gave me a chance to rediscover who I am. To redefine love and to heal. Choosing joy has meant forgiving myself, embracing new love even when it feels vulnerable, and remembering that my heart still has room to grow. Yes, I’ve loved and lost and loved again, but each heartbreak has taught me more about what it means to keep my heart open.
Choosing Joy Every Single Day
Choosing joy is more than a catchphrase for me. It’s a conscious effort, an act of defiance against everything life has thrown my way. It’s slipping on that bikini and celebrating a body that has endured. It’s laughing at the chaos of running a business and savoring the sweet moments of motherhood. It’s embracing a life that doesn’t look how I imagined but still holds so much beauty.
I hope this inspires you to choose joy in your own life. Not in a “everything is fine” kind of way, but in a “this is real, and I’m still finding the light” way. Because life is full of brokenness and brilliance, and we get to decide what we carry forward.
