Feels Like Homesick
There’s a kind of longing that settles deep in my bones, a homesick ache—not for a place, but for a person. Missing someone feels like carrying around a ghost, not in a haunting way, but in the way their presence lingers in the empty spaces. It’s the way their name echoes in my mind at odd moments, the way a song or a scent can pull me straight back to them. It’s the anxiety that creeps in late at night, whispering questions with no answers.
Did I do enough? Say enough? Love enough?
It’s strange how missing someone makes me question everything. I replay memories, not just for the comfort of them, but to dissect every detail, as if somewhere in the past I’ll find the clarity I need for the future. There are moments I dream of what life could have looked like if things had unfolded differently, if time had been kinder, if love had been enough to bridge the gaps. And yet, even in the ache of it, I find myself still holding onto hope—hope that the future will somehow be filled with joy, even if it looks different from what I once imagined.
But the longing is heavy, and the weight of uncertainty can be suffocating. I’ve had to find ways to move through it, to keep myself from being swallowed whole. Some days I do better than others. Some days, I just let myself miss them. But I’ve found a few ways to keep going, even when the ache feels unbearable.
1. I let myself feel it.
I don’t try to push the longing away or pretend it doesn’t exist. I let myself sit in it, cry if I need to, write about it, or just close my eyes and remember. Grief and love are tangled together, and pretending I don’t miss them doesn’t make it hurt any less. So, I let it be what it is.
2. I focus on what I can control.
The past is done, and the future is unknown, but right now—this moment—I can choose how I move through it. I take deep breaths. I go for walks. I keep myself busy with things that bring me even a little peace. I remind myself that longing doesn’t mean I’m stuck; it just means I’ve loved deeply.
3. I hold on to hope.
Even when everything feels uncertain, I remind myself that joy is still possible. The future may not look the way I once imagined, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be beautiful. I trust that love—whether it’s from the past, the present, or somewhere ahead—will find its way to me again.
Missing someone is never easy, and some days the ache feels unbearable. But I’m learning that longing doesn’t have to mean losing myself in it. I can miss them and still move forward. I can hold space for the past while still making room for whatever comes next. And no matter how much uncertainty lingers, I can still choose to believe that joy is waiting for me on the other side.
