A Lesson in Leaving

Why do we stay in spaces that no longer serve us? Because it’s easy? Because it’s comfortable? Because leaving is scary? Yes, Yes, Yes.

Leaving is hard, it’s scary, it is painful. It hurts! It. Hurts. Hard!

Leaving the religion I was born into and grew up in was incredibly difficult for me. It was tied to everything I thought I was. Everything I knew was because of my faith…or so I thought. Everything I did was tied to what I believed at the time, but so was everything I didn’t do. Being a Mormon was demanding and ingrained in every fiber of my life. From the way I spent my time, money and who I socialized with. It also included what I ate, drank and how I dressed. Not that all of that is bad, but it was no longer serving me.

As I began to outgrow the Mormon faith in my own journey and discovery for truth, I found the more I wanted to stay. I remember having a conversation with my best friend who had left the church a few years back and asking her “can’t I just stay in the middle? Not believe some things, but be in with others?” And she said to me. “I think you’ll find that impossible.” You see I wanted to stay, It would have been easier. A lot less hearts would have broke. My family would have not had their hearts broken, my children would have a home not torn apart…it would have been easier. But after trying to be content with knowing what I know now, and realizing religion no longer served me and my soul…I had to leave.

When we stay too long in situations and spaces that no longer serve us, we diminish our quality of life. We start sacrificing our happiness so other people are comfortable. We can’t serve others if we don’t serve ourselves first. Leaving religion was hard for me. One of the hardest things I will have ever done…but you know what would have been harder? Staying.

It doesn’t matter what it is, if we stay too long in places that don’t serve who we are and honor ourselves, we don’t serve anyone…not even those we stay for.

XOXO-Kandis